It’s true. Talk is cheap and it’s also available to all of us to use as a tool to connect with our kids.  If you’ve found yourself separated from your former partner, talking with your kids about what’s going on is important. Why? Well, it helps them to understand their new normal.

We hope our kids will always feel comfortable talking to us when they are upset. But guess what? Sometimes it’s helpful for our kids to talk to someone who is not a parent. So, it’s important to support your kids’ relationships with other trusted adults as well as their close friendships with peers. Remember, the more support, the better for your kids.

In this post we look at some methods you can use now to stay connected to your kids.

Take some time to reflect on these questions about how and who your kids are talking to:

  1. Are there times when your kids are upset and they don’t want to talk to you?
  2. Do your kids have trusted adults they can talk to besides you and your co-parent?
  3. If your kids have opened up to you, was the conversation successful and why?
  4. How easy or hard is it for you to just listen to your children?
  5. Are there some topics that your kids have raised with you that make you feel upset or angry or sad?
  6. What could you do to become a better listener for your children?

Talking about separation and divorce isn’t easy for any of us, but many kids find that once they get started, talking actually helps them feel better. Some questions that might assist you in talking to your kids about talking are:

  1. Who do you talk to when you’re having a hard time?
  2. What grown-ups, other than me and your Mum/Dad, do you love and trust?
  3. Would you feel comfortable talking to them if you are having a hard time?
  4. Do you ever hold your feelings inside? How does that feel? How does it feel when you let your feelings out?
  5. Do you know other kids whose parents are divorced?
  6. Do you ever talk to them when you are feeling sad or angry or confused?
  7. What can you say when you want us to stop what we are doing and listen to you?
  8. When are some good times that you would like to talk with us, like when I’m cooking dinner or when we are driving in the car?

Separation is a major adjustment for everyone in your family. The goal is of course to get your kids and yourself through the splits as quickly and as stress-free as possible. If you can embrace and talk about change and do your best to get rid of any conflict, you’re on the right path, my friend.

Oh, and don’t forget to keep talking. Remember the saying ‘talk is cheap’? It conjures up negative connotations, doesn’t it? But I say let’s flip that on its head. Talk is cheap … and accessible and available to you and your kids. So do it and do it often.

How O’Loan Family Law Can Help

If you are thinking about separating or have already separated, please get in touch at (02) 9922 2230 or send us an email at to discuss your matter in complete confidence.  We can advise and guide you to find the right resolution pathway for you and your family. O’Loan Family Law offers specialist family law advice, conveniently located in Lavender Bay on Sydney’s North Shore.  We help separating families find amicable solutions that consider your unique situation so you can move on with your life. Our fixed and value pricing service offerings include collaborative practice, assisted DIY separation and what we like to call, the traditional family law pathway. We’ve got your back.

About the Author

Bron O'Loan

Bron O’Loan is the Founder & Director of O’Loan Family Law and is an expert family lawyer and independent children’s lawyer. Bron has worked in Family Law since 2015 and is an experienced litigator and skilful negotiator in all family law matters. She is also an experienced speaker and best selling author of The Splits – How to help your kids navigate separation and divorce.

Connect with Bron on LinkedIn: Bron O’Loan | LinkedIn

This post is an overview only and should not be considered as legal advice.  If there are any matters that you would like us to advise you on, then please contact us.