I’m going to say right from the outset, family violence is never okay. We all know this. But it can be difficult calling family violence out. A definition I came across when I was researching for this article is:
“Family violence is any threatening, coercive, dominating or abusive behaviour that occurs between people in a family, domestic or intimate relationship, or former intimate relationship, that causes the person experiencing the behaviour to feel fear.”
My further reading reminded me that family violence is not an argument once in a while, it is a continuous pattern of abusive behaviour perpetrated by one person towards another, often using multiple tactics. Family violence is not just physical or sexual abuse. It can include many types of abuse, all of which are unhealthy and harmful. It’s important for you to be aware of the different types of family violence so that if you are experiencing these behaviours, you can call them out and get the support you need.
If you feel you are experiencing or have experienced any of these situations, make contact with a counsellor or psychologist, or call 1800 RESPECT. Your family lawyer can also help point you in the right direction. Of course, if you ever feel in imminent danger, call the police immediately.
Kids can have their own unique experiences of family violence. They can directly experience physical, sexual, psychological and financial abuse. They can experience threatening and coercive behaviour. And importantly, your children witnessing or being exposed to family violence directed at you is also family violence.
Family violence between parents is traumatic for kids. They often know it’s going on, and even if they don’t see it or hear it or experience it directly, they’re still affected by it. Just knowing that your partner or ex-partner is hurting you is distressing and traumatic for your kids.
If you find yourself in an untenable situation, you should seek help with safety planning and to explore your options. For your kids, the Kids Helpline is a wonderful resource. Their contact number is 1800 55 1800 and they provide free, confidential 24/7 phone and online counselling for people aged 5 to 25 years.
Family violence is a difficult topic to talk about with your kids. But chances are that if they are experiencing family violence (and remember, that can be if they are witnessing you being abused), they will want to – and should – talk about it with someone.
Do your kids a favour and make sure they have access to a counsellor or a psychologist. At the very least, ensure your kids have a close and trusted extended family member, mentor or friend they can talk to.
Here are some general statements you can use when talking to your kids about family violence:
If you are experiencing family and domestic violence and are thinking about separating or have already separated, please get in touch at (02) 8999 4364 or via email by completing the form on this page to discuss your matter in complete confidence. Alternatively, If you’d like to book an appointment straight away, head to this link.
We can advise and guide you to find the right resolution pathway for you and your family. O’Loan Family Law offers specialist family law advice, conveniently located in North Sydney on Sydney’s North Shore. We help separating families find amicable solutions that consider your unique situation so you can move on with your life. Our value pricing service offerings include collaborative practice, assisted DIY separation and what we like to call, the traditional family law pathway. We’ve got your back.
About The Author - Bron O'Loan
Bron O’Loan is an Accredited Specialist in Family Law and Principal Director of O’Loan Family Law in Sydney. Admitted to practise in 2015, she has over 12 years of exclusive family law experience advising on separation, parenting disputes and complex property settlements. Bron holds a Master of Applied Law (Family Law) and is admitted to the Supreme Court of NSW and the High Court of Australia, providing strategic, commercially aware advice tailored to each family’s circumstances. |
*This post is an overview only and should not be considered as legal advice. If there are any matters that you would like us to advise you on, then please contact us.
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